Hi, I’m James. Thanks for checking out Building Momentum: a newsletter to help startup founders and marketers accelerate SaaS growth through product marketing.
If you know me, you might know that I’m a Virgo, my Myers-Briggs type is INTJ (with a 100% ‘judging’ score), and I have strong opinions.
So, here’s a tongue-in-cheek take on messaging. Disclaimer: This is purely for fun. If it feels like I’m calling out your company, that’s a coincidence… probably.
When I visit your website, I’m judging it. And so is everyone else.
Nothing exposes a lack of customer focus, internal power struggles, and general marketing fails faster than the words on your homepage.
In this post:
So, who wrote your website copy?
1. The SEO-Obsessed Content Marketer
If your homepage reads like an AI-generated word cloud, a content marketer who prays to the Googlebot got there first. Expect keyword-stuffed nonsense like:
“A leading AI-powered, cloud-based, enterprise-ready, blockchain-enabled solution for seamless digital transformation.”
No normal person talks like this. But Google likes it, so your homepage does too.
2. The Wannabe Novelist
Some content marketers look at their day job as a backup, when really they want to write a book.
Instead, they got assigned to SaaS copy, and it shows. Their version of a homepage starts with:
“It all began in a dimly lit coffee shop. Our founder, lost in thought, stared into their oat milk flat white. That’s when it hit them. What if customer support… was better?”
Three paragraphs in, and I have no idea what the company does.
3. The CTO
If your website reads like a technical spec sheet, an engineer steamrolled the copy review. The telltale sign? It’s packed with acronyms and features over literally anything useful:
“Now with enhanced multi-cloud Kubernetes orchestration and AI-driven predictive analytics.”
Great. But why should I use it? Who knows.
4. The Product Manager
Product Managers are great at discovery, PRDs, and engineering planning. But when they write website copy, it reads like a Jira ticket:
“Users log in, navigate to the dashboard, select the desired configuration, and click ‘Generate Report’ to receive output.”
This is an instruction manual, not a sales pitch.
5. The Direct Response Marketer
A direct response marketer got their hands on the homepage if everything feels like you’re watching late night TV adverts.
“Act Now! Unlock Exclusive Savings Today. Don’t Miss Out!”
Urgency? Check. Overuse of action words? Check. Feels like you’re about to sign up for a free webinar that leads to a dodgy supplement subscription you can never cancel? Also check.
6. The AI-Addict
Someone got way too into ChatGPT. Now your website is full of predictable phrasing, em-dash abuse, and every overused AI-generated buzzword:
“In today’s ever-evolving landscape—where innovation is paramount—we harness the power of AI to drive unparalleled efficiency.”
Every sentence sounds like it was pulled from a LinkedIn post.
PS: Bonus points when they forget to delete “I’ve generated your website copy–let me know if you want any more changes.”
7. The Corporate Marketer
This person spent way too much time in PowerPoint, and it shows. The website now follows the rule of 6: no more than six words per sentence, six sentences per section, and six bullet points per list. The result?
- Optimize: Streamline workflows.
- Accelerate: Drive business outcomes.
- Deliver: Achieve unparalleled impact.
Your homepage is basically a TED Talk with none of the charisma and all the fake practiced pauses.
8. The Committee
Your homepage was written by 12 people in a Google Doc. Every word was argued for, none were removed, and now nobody knows what it actually says.
The result?
“At Flotsam, we believe in the power of innovation, integrity, and industry-leading solutions that empower businesses of all sizes to maximize efficiency, optimize workflows, and leverage cutting-edge technology to drive meaningful impact in an ever-evolving global landscape.”
Huh?
9. The Legal Department
You know they got involved when every bold claim is followed by an asterisk and the copy is stripped of anything that sounds remotely confident.
“Our platform may help* businesses optimize* operations and could potentially* improve efficiency.”
No promises, just plausible deniability.
10. The HiPPO
The most senior (and usually the furthest removed from what customers actually want) person in the room decides the website should be exactly like something they did ten years ago.
“We are at the forefront of the SoLoMo revolution, seamlessly integrating Social, Local, and Mobile trends to drive next-gen engagement strategies.”
The result? A homepage that looks like it was ripped straight from a 2012 tech conference keynote.
How to fix it
If you’re reading this and realizing your website has been taken hijacked by one (or more) of the culprits above, don’t worry, it’s fixable. Here’s how to bring it back to life:
- Start with the customer, not your org chart. Nobody cares about your internal debates. Lead with the problem your customer is trying to solve.
- Cut the fluff. If it wouldn’t make sense in a sales conversation, it doesn’t belong on your homepage.
- Write like a human. If you wouldn’t say it out loud, don’t put it on your site.
- Test it with actual buyers. Not your boss, not the committee, but real customers. If they don’t get it in five seconds, rewrite it.
If your homepage makes people work too hard to understand what you do, they’ll move on to one that doesn’t.
And if your copy got frankensteined together by SEO, corporate, and someone’s outdated best practice… trust me, I can tell.
Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought – find me on Twitter and LinkedIn.
P.S. If you’ve found value in Building Momentum, could you buy me a coffee? Here’s my tip jar – any support is gratefully appreciated!
P.P.S: If you enjoyed this post, will you share Building Momentum with your network?
